Emotional and sexual Infidelity is not as uncommon as we may think.
According to statistical data approximately twenty percent of all couples will experience sexual infidelity during their relationship. The incidence of emotional infidelity is much higher with over thirty percent of couples experiencing it in their relationship.
The betrayed partner will usually experience PTSD like symptoms such as checking behaviours, rumination and disturbed sleep. Other symptoms include low moods, anger and not able to trust their own judgement.
For many couples cheating is a deal breaker, and they will split before even considering professional help. Marriages whereby the male cheats usually have a better chance of survival according to the stats and may be due to cheating of a sexual nature without an emotional attachment. According to Australian statistics twenty five percent of marriages will fall apart if the male is the cheater. If women cheat on the other hand, the likelihood of the relationship ending is thirty five percent.
What is not known is the condition of the relationship even when couples do decide to stay together despite the betrayal. Many will stay in the relationship because of children or financial concerns, but the question is whether they ever manage to repair the damage and really move on from the pain of cheating.
As a trauma informed therapist, I know that if the adverse events are not processed it is possible to walk around with this trauma trapped in our nervous systems for decades. It can detrimentally affect both the health of the betrayed and the level of trust in the relationship. For this reason, it is essential to get professional help to understand the cause and effect, the limiting beliefs and lack of boundaries associated with the infidelity.
There are three effective ways to survive infidelity. These include getting a comprehensive assessment of the relationship. I use the Gottman Relationship Check-up to understand all they dynamics of the relationship so as to give my couple a psychoeducation of what constitutes a happy healthy relationship. The next step is the implementation of actionable steps and a process of keeping the couple accountable for what is required, in order that they achieve a successful recovery.
If there are still difficulties at this point, I work with individuals to process any associated limiting beliefs and help the betrayed partner desensitise rumination of the affair that have become obstacles to the repair of their relationship. EMDR therapy is the best evidence-based therapy for PTSD and is highly effective for changing limiting beliefs. By engaging in this three-pronged process the couple has a much better chance of recovery and can improve their relationship for the better.
If you would like to know more about my infidelity recovery system, contact me here.