Dating stress can often lead to missing important red flags that we may later regret.  The focus on giving a good impression and wondering if you will be liked often undermines our ability to psycho-analyse the personality traits and habits of the person we are dating.

We share all our secrets way too early in the peace when instead it would be more beneficial to observe and be curious to the behaviours and attitudes of our date.  Many dating red flags are missed because we are focused on leaving a good impression rather than treating the experience as an interview process to ensure if they are a suitable choice for us.  Here are some signs to watch out for:

Dating Red Flag #1- Substance Abuse

Substance abuse usually stems from unprocessed trauma and limiting beliefs.  The abuse of alcohol or drugs is an emotional escape, a coping mechanism and a distraction from self.  Unpredictability and dysfunction always come with substance abuse and are an important dating red flag.


Dating Red Flag #2- Sarcasm

Recent research tells us that under the veil of sarcasm is passive aggressive anger, a need for dominance, insecurity and social awkwardness. Sarcasm is poor humour at the expense of someone else. These are traits that you really don’t want to have to endure in a relationship and huge dating red flag.


Dating Red Flag #3 – Too Much Talk About the Ex

If you hear your date constantly criticising their ex then you should be wondering when it will be your turn. It may be a sign they are a narcissist. On the other hand if the talk is too good then they may be trying to make you jealous or they just haven’t gotten over their ex yet.


Dating Red Flag #4 – Poor Listening Skills

If your date doesn’t empathise, validate or show interest in what you are saying then it’s time to run the other way.  The ability to be a good listener is a sign of emotional intelligence. Emotional Intelligence is essential for any kind of long-term intimacy in a relationship. Lack of emotional intelligence is a definite dating red flag.


Dating Reg Flag #5 – Never Initiates Dates or Makes Plans

When your date doesn’t initiate there are two possible reasons why.  The first reason is that they are just not that into you and the alternative reason is that they have had things done for them all their life and don’t have the maturity or forethought to initiate.  Either way this lack of initiative leads nowhere fast and is an enormous red flag.

If the dating process is difficult, you may have some limiting beliefs or your own traumas that prevent you from detecting the Dating Red Flags and might benefit from EMDR therapy to clear them.  Please contact me to book an appointment.