Couples recovering from infidelity know how painful it can be for the betrayer as well as the betrayed.  In fact, the way the betrayed responds to the infidelity will have a significant effect on the couple’s ability to heal their relationship, to the same degree as the betrayer.

Infidelity can take up to eight months to heal if the couple are willing to do the work. The data shows that those who break-up after an affair mostly regret it long-term.  Although emotionally painful, it is beneficial to do therapy during this period and not make hasty decisions until the reasons for the infidelity has been unpacked.

There are many reasons for infidelity and this needs to be explored in depth.  Whilst it is important to understand that the betrayed will experience PTSD like symptoms that will include intrusive thoughts, rumination, checking behaviours and sleep disturbances, it is also important not to demonise the betrayer.  The emotional pain of the betrayed and the needs or beliefs of the betrayer are equally important to assess in treating infidelity.

When the infidelity has happened it is important to engage in therapy as soon as possible to avoid damaging the relationship further.  The relationship can be further damaged by the behaviours of both party and these are some of the ways this happens:

The betrayer can damage relationship by:

Avoiding partners emotions

Demanding too much change too quickly

Lack of empathy

Rolling out info too slowly

Try to get back to normal too quickly

Expecting physical intimacy too soon

Comparing their partner to their lover

Resisting self-awareness


Betrayed can damage relationship themselves and others by:

Telling people; family friends’ community

Public shaming

Revenge affair

Violating partners privacy

Becoming bitter

Refusing to participate in mutual events

Feeling entitled to revenge or punishment

Common questions that the betrayed asks about the infidelity are; Why did you do it?, How do I know you won’t do it again?, What does it mean? The goal of therapy for infidelity ask the question; What do you and I want and need? How do we build trust? How do we forgive? How do we re-invent the relationship? All these questions can be answered more effectively with therapy.

If you would like to recover from infidelity, please book an appointment here.