Want to save your relationship from Divorce? The Gottman Method works miracles.
Dr John Gottman has been well regarded as one of the best relationship experts this century due to his extensive work with couples.
Gottman is particularly known for his research on what makes a healthy relationship and more specifically his “love lab” work where he studied of 3,600 couples over the course of 20 years.
Gottman was a mathematician prior to his psychological study of couple behaviours and it is with this background he is able to provide very concise streamlined formulas, antidotes and strategies for relationship success.
The Gottman model provides formulas for a strong, healthy marriage that are evidence based.
Gottman throughout the course of the last two decades found that the average troubled marriage lasts 6 years before a couple seeks help.
In fact, in his studies of couples Gottman discovered that half of all marriages end in the first seven years. Gottman is able to predict with 90% accuracy whether a marriage will last based on watching their interactions with each other within the first five minutes.
He claims that this is the reason he is no longer invited to dinner parties.
Gottman labels successful couples as “relationship masters” and ones that are heading for divorce as “relationship disasters.”
Those with a stable marriage according to Gottman have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative comments whilst those who have an exceptional marriage have a ratio of 20:1.
Gottman also goes on to define core relationship killers as the “Four Men of the Apocalypse”.
These four men comprise of; contempt, criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling, all indicators of divorce if changes are not made.
Sixty-nine percent of all conflict in a marriage is gridlocked meaning a couple will have perpetual problems with similar core issues throughout their marriage.
Gottman’s studies reveal 85% of heterosexual men stonewall whilst 80% of heterosexual women bring up issues in the relationship.
Conflict may never be completely resolved but can effectively be managed using the Gottman methodology.
The Gottman Method teaches couples to think in a different way and respond rather than react. Gottman states, “In a good relationship people get angry, but in a very different way.
The marriage masters see a problem a bit like a soccer ball. They kick it around. It’s our problem”
I love this analogy and I love the Gottman method.
It makes my job as a relationship coach much more efficient, especially if a couple chose to use the Gottman Relationship check-up.
Please see my article on the Gottman Relationship Check-up for more details:
For more information about couples counselling go to: