The Top Three Books I recommend in Couple Therapy.
I am often asked by clients engaging in couple therapy to recommend books that will help them sustain the changes they make in the relationship. Healing a relationship involves repeating new behaviours and habits so I thoroughly encourage reading as an effective way to strengthen these changes. If life is too busy to read I suggest listening to books on audible whilst driving to work or doing daily chores to solidify some key points.
The three best relationship books I recommend to clients as an accompaniment to couple therapy is as follows:
The Honeymoon Effect
Bruce Lipton’s book The Honeymoon Effect is a very entertaining biography that is blended with his neuro-scientific discoveries of love and gained the title of “My Best Book on Relationships for 2018”.
It is easy to read and uses a bunch of scientific experiments to explain the chemical changes in relationships. In couple therapy I talk about the importance of increasing the amount of oxytocin and dopamine in your relationship to get back that honeymoon feeling you experience in the beginning.
Often described as the Limerance phase, the honey moon stage is the part of the relationship where we show up as our true selves doing everything to make a good impression and make our partners fall in love with us. Lipton argues we are purely made up of chemicals and uses scientific examples to present this in a very digestible and humorous way.
The Relationship RX
Stan Taktin, author of The Relationship RX is a couple therapist whose work I highly recommend to any of my clients engaged in couple therapy. Stan Taktin has particular rules and exercises that a couple can practice to help keep the relationship safe. Stan talks about the “Trauma brain” which fully resonates with the information I share in couple therapy. I like to refer to couple problems as suburban traumas. We can bring trauma into the relationship or we can be traumatised within the relationship. Taktin has very good antidotes to heal attachment issues within the relationship. Forty seven percent of the human species experience attachment problems. It is not by chance that fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. Most couples that come for couple therapy have at least one partner who has suffered some kind of traumatic experience no matter how small which has had an impact on the relationship. Stan recommends listening to this audible book together as a couple and so do I.
Getting the Love You Want
Helen LaKelly Hunt and Harville Hendricks’ Getting the Love You Want is also one of the favourite classics I suggest to my couple therapy clients. This husband and wife team is highly regarded as the creators of Imago Couple Therapy which I love and use so much. LaKelly Hunt and Hendricks give practical steps for de-escalating conflict and clear instruction for cultivating good communication with in the relationship. It is not by chance that this best seller has reached four million readers. This couple is full of wisdom and understanding presenting fundamental elements for a healthy relationship template. Getting the Love You Want shows how easy it can be to get ones love needs met and develop intimacy along the way if you follow particular rules.
Anyone committing to couple therapy will definitely benefit from cementing new habits with reading material and these three wonderful books are must reads for helping those aspire to healthy relationship status.
For couple counselling (face-to face or via ZOOM) please contact me on support@martinamagnery.com.au
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